Ten Minutes: Poisoned

A local man was found writhing three feet from his toilet early Monday morning, cursing unintelligibly amid violent bouts of heaving. Witnesses say he appeared to be suffering from an extreme case of food poisoning, which was later confirmed after the man confessed to maintaining a questionable diet. The official report lists an overwhelming number of potential offenders, but detectives are placing the blame on a sun-soaked egg salad sandwich they discovered on the dashboard of the man’s car. Authorities are working to determine whether the man’s decision making was at fault, as the origin of the sandwich remains unconfirmed at this time.